That's Your Stuff; Not Mine

Contemplation At The Mississippi River In New Orleans

I don’t know how many times I tried to be a “Supa-save-a-heaux” as my husband likes to call it. I low-key was walking around here like I was the savior trying to help every person in sight.

And when I took the time to ponder on why I was like this I realized two things. The first was that I didn’t want anyone I loved to experience pain because I knew that feeling oh so well and it wasn’t a walk in the park. So I jumped at the chance to help someone when it was in my ability (or not lol) because I thought it was the godlike thing to do.

The second was that I didn’t have the courage to help my damn self. I was too focused on helping others and being present for them instead of tending to my own self because it was easier. Honestly, I thought I was fine and didn’t need much, but that was far from the truth and I’ll tell you why.

When I helped others, it wasn’t like I was expecting them to do the same thing for me, but my feelings would get hurt when I was in a downstate and no one was present for me the way I needed it. And I’m not talking about random strangers; these were people I loved dearly who knew me privately.

I figured out I was being “nice” because I was trying to validate my existence through helping others, but the truth was that I was carrying around abandonment and unworthiness like it was a new purse. One day I discovered I picked these things up from my parents and it wasn’t my own to begin with. So I had to let them go and no, it wasn’t as easy as throwing some trash away.

I had to reserve my life force for myself and question the motivation behind me helping others. I had to see if it was conducive for my life and I had to create boundaries.

Many times we get involved in somebody else’s situation because we’re their best friend, sister, cousin or the like, but those titles have no bearing over our life force.

Once our life is over, it’s done and there’s no turning back. We can’t go to God and say “Hey God. Can you give me some more time?” Because the truth is we had time, but where did we invest it?

So remember before giving your life force to someone else, ask yourself “Is this their stuff or mine?” Then move accordingly.

Your attention is a gift, thank you for receiving it.